She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize