There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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