I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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