I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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