Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize