Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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