I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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