The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize