I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize