U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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