so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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