alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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