i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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