I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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