No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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