well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's the barista slut.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
