the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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