I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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