I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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