so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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