I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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