Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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