If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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