Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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