So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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