Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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