JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize