I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize