I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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