I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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