Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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