Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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