I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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