the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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