I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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