did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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