I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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