You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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