I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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