you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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