May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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