I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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