Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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