I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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