He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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