Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Randomize