Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize