Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize