Me too!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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