five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
